In A Moment
by blue-eyedinnocent-sinner
Summary: Jude reflects sitting in the airport and ponders whether or not she’s really doing the right thing. Should she continue on her path to London without her “crutch” or is she only fooling herself? Post London Calling. Please read and review. Version 1


_A/N: Hey guys. Yes, I am continuing BlueEyed Surprise; however, my computer is broken, meaning all my files on it are gone indefinitely… or at least until I can fix my computer. Thanks for being patient. Now with that said, I can't continue old work, since files are lost, but I can start new. I do want to continue said work as soon as I can, but I'll go crazy without writing in the meantime. Especially since it's summer, I'm out of school and work is long and boring. Lol! So I've had this vague idea ever since the finale, but never really worked it out. Now I want to. This is supposed to be at the airport immediately after the season four finale (London Calling). So… thanks for sticking with me guys. I know I'm very unreliable. I prefer reading to writing when it comes down to it. Actually I love writing, but generally I'm too lazy. I get crazy ideas in my mind, but never start, or if I start I never finish.  Oh! Can't wait for the day that our thoughts will be converted without us making any effort. Haha! Anyways, thanks guys and reviews are amazering love! I only rated this T, I didn't go into details about the "smut" so can't really do too much damage, so please don't be freaked about that. Haha. So this is only one version of the story, if I decide later on, I may write it differently. Thanks..._

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**Summary**

Jude reflects sitting in the airport and ponders whether or not she's really doing the right thing. Should she continue on her path to London without her "crutch" or is she only fooling herself? Post London Calling. Please read and review.

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**In A Moment**

I lean against my seat, trying to get as comfortable as possible in the crowded terminal. My nerves are all over the place as I sit and await my plane to pull into the airport. I think it's coming in from somewhere in the States before stopping in Toronto. Moving to a new place… now that's a terrifying thought. I've lived in the same house for almost nineteen years. I've always had Jamie just next door, GMajor just a short drive away, my rehearsal space nearby, and Tommy. God! Tommy. What am I thinking? My nerves aren't much brought on by what I'm feeling for him. How I was even able to do what I did I'll never know.

I honestly didn't want things to end the way they did. A heartbreaking concert farewell was never an option. But things were so rushed; I panicked. How else was I supposed to tell him, before announcing our engagement? The engagement I so abruptly ended. I feel terrible and empty, lost. I thought this would be the best way… learning who I am on my own. Like the one couple from high school you know will last forever just because they decide to separate for college and find each other again one day. You know they've done what's best for both of them at the time, even though they love each other.

Who am I kidding, though? I need him. It's not a matter of loving him, or wanting to be with him. I need him. He's my everything, the rock that's pulled me through every rough patch. He's always protected and defended me in the industry, and fought for what was right for us, and my music. Am I really choosing music over him? I mean, can't I have it both ways? Tommy is all for my music, he knows I could never put anything before it. They go hand in hand. I'm really not choosing music; I'm choosing fame. Why?

I know he'll wait for me. But how long can we fake it? After three and a half years of fighting for each other, why let go now? I was the one who called him out for throwing us away so easily. Now I'm the hypocrite. This is so frustrating!

As I ponder this "should I stay or should I go" situation, I remember our last conversation. The one after the concert, after I broke him, when I returned my ring.

I knocked on an all-too familiar door, hoping he'd hear me out. As I waiting, for an eternity, I realized I was holding my breath. I quickly inhaled as the door opened. He wore a pained look; thankfully not as brutal as the one he wore at the concert. It completely broke me. I did this to him. For once, it was he who was broken. His look changed to one of concern as he pulled me in, shut the door, and pulled me close to him. I noticed I'd started crying, and he was trying to comfort me. How is that fair?

We stayed wrapped up in each other for several minutes before he pulled away enough to look down at me. Brushing his thumb against my cheek, I could feel the tears wipe away. I opened my mouth, wanting to tell him my reasons, tell him I was sorry, tell him I still loved him with every fiber of my being. But nothing came out. I was too choked with emotion.

He pulled me into the living room and somehow we ended up wrapped up together on the couch. He soothed me for a while, until I could form coherent sentences. Staying pressed against his warm chest, I whispered out "I'm sorry."

He held me tighter and I could feel him nod. I tried again, sitting up and needing to let him know why. "Baby, you have to understand why. I-I need to g-go do this. I need to make mistakes, and learn to stand on m-my own. If I-I c-can make myself s-s-st-stronger that way… it'll m-make us s-st-stronger. And –"

"Jude, I know. It isn't going to make it hurt any less, though." I could see the hurt in his eyes and it almost started the meltdown all over. "I'm willing to wait for you. We've waited this long, I think we can stand through anything." He smiled and waited. His response only made me more emotional.

I pressed my head back into his chest, letting a fresh wave of tears escape. He pulled my face back up, and wiping my tears, whispered, "It's always gonna be you, girl. And I'll wait an eternity to be with you."

I'll never forget those words, or what happened next as he pulled my face up. His mouth was on mine before I could react. Warm and burning with desire… the sensation erupting throughout me. Needing more, needing each other to heal, he stood up pulling me with him. And… selfish as I am… I moved my mouth in sync with his, leading him in. I needed him, that much was true. Carrying us to his room, he kicked the door open, and let us fall to the bed. Pulling away, his eyes searched mine for any sign of doubt. There was none.

He came back to me again, kissing me feverishly. Reveling in his warmth, his tenderness, in him, I was catapulted into intense bliss. He kissed down my neck, across my shoulders and collarbone; anywhere he could until there was no more bare skin. I felt his rough hands slip under my shirt and a gasp of surprise escaped. He gently lifted the hem of my shirt until it was off and casually tossed it to the floor. He attempted to pull me back to him; however, I stopped him, taking control, and stripped him of his own shirt. Hungrily I pulled him to me.

I heard him chuckle at my over-controlling behavior and fought back a smile myself. After all, he'd made me what I am. After several minutes of tender touches, removal of clothes, and moments I'll cherish forever, he finally pulled me close. Becoming one is the most sensual experience, and with him, it's all I could ever ask for.

He lay next to me, wrapping us up under the sheets, and holding me close. Falling into a blissful sleep, with a smile on my face, I couldn't help but think everything was perfect. We both knew; however, that it couldn't last. I awoke with his arm around my naked body, and bright sunlight shining down on us. I smiled sadly as I remembered the night before, and knew what would come today. Carefully…gently slipping out from under his arm, I dressed and wrote a quick note.

Before turning to leave, I ran my hand through his – damn him and his hair gel – still-perfect hair, still smiling. The bright sunlight danced of the diamond resting comfortably on my left hand. My smile faded as I realized it would be wrong to keep it. Slowly, hesitantly, I slid the ring from my finger and set it next to the note. Feeling a few tears escape, I bent down and kissed his forehead before turning and leaving.

"Attention all boarding onto Flight 442 to London, England, you're flight has arrived on time and will be boarding shortly. Thank you and please fly with us again soon."

The announcement ripped me from my flashback, and once again I could feel the moist warmth sliding down my cheek. I brushed away the few traitor tears, hoping no one else had noticed. I turned slightly to talk to the big man sitting behind me, protecting me.

"Lou, you really don't have to stay here, you know that right?" It was true. He wasn't coming to London with me, but he was still dedicated to helping me up until I left the terminal.

He turned enough to talk back to me, still being discreet. "Jude, I told you I didn't mind. Besides, I need to give you something." I cocked my head to the side. Bodyguard man say what? He reached in his jacket pocket and withdrew an envelope; however the bulky object inside made it bend and stick out oddly. He carefully handed me the envelope and spoke once more, "You're not supposed to open it until you're safe on the plane, but I figured you might need to rethink."

Lou winked at me before standing up and walking across the terminal to grab a cappuccino. Hopefully he'll snag me one, too. I shook my head to shake out the thoughts of what the letter – and package – could possibly contain. I turned it around in my hands a few times, hoping there'd be some sort of message scrawled across the front, but no such luck. Odd as it sounds, I was nervous to open it. I inhaled before sliding my index finger across, breaking the seal.

I reached in, and pulled out a simple, white piece of paper. I unfolded it, and read the following:

_My dearest Jude,_

_I know. I know how difficult this is for you, too. I'm so thankful that I found you. I guess I owe Georgia everything for introducing me to my one and only. I know I've messed up with us. A lot. And believe me, baby, I wish I could take it all away. I wish I could fix it all and give you everything you deserve. I still can't believe how lucky I was to have you. I don't understand how I deserved you, much less how you kept putting up with me, never giving up. It's been a long road, and I know that you need to keep going. This will be great for you. And I also understand why you need to go alone. Not that I accept it, or want it, but I know that it's necessary. I realize that you never got to grow up, in that sense. You have grown up so much. But you never grew up to find yourself. I always held you back. I want you to know that I'll be here, waiting for you. You're my everything; always have been and always will be…my girl. In the meantime, I'll expect many, many calls from you. And visits when they're possible. I will stand back and watch you shine, because I love you and know that that's what you were born to do. And I really do love you. Keep in touch, sweetheart._

_Love forever and always,_

_Tommy_

_P.S. I think this belongs to you._

Before I could reach in the envelope, or even fold the letter and return it to the envelope, I broke down. The tears poured and my mind went all the way back to the beginning. I retraced every step, every single memory with him.

Our vicious meeting, the first words he spoke to me, scolding me for calling him Lil Tommy Q and telling me he could care less about me or my whack contest. I relived our first day actually working together, at the docks, and the first time I felt his arm around me to strum a few chords out on my guitar. My first attempt of a kiss with him at the Vinyl Palace and him coming to my home that night, convincing me to not quit. He'd said I was "the real thing…even better". The several nights recording late at the studio, accompanied with laughter and flirting.

I remember the day he told me Shay was coming to GMajor, and how I'd told him he was mine. I remember the defensive way he was over me with Shay. I remember my sixteenth birthday, the amazing day he'd given me, and the comfort he lent me, before giving me the most passionate kiss of my life. I remember how he made me take it back, breaking my heart of the very first major time. I remember how we eventually made it back to each other… until he chose my sister over me, breaking it once more. I remember touring and wanting to hate him so much. I remember wanting to put the "in love" feelings far away, thus writing White Lines.

The feelings I felt when I first saw him as I stepped off that tour bus, the fight at the yacht party, the makeup at the season two finale, and the way he said he'd missed me, though he thought I missed it. I relived all the stolen looks – his look special for me – and more late nights recording. The on-and-off flirting, the way he hurt me and my sister, the way he pleading for my forgiveness and told me that he and Sadie could never be. The way he seemed determined that I knew why, the adorable, uncomfortable look he'd give whenever I made a comment about the us that could never be. I remember wrapping my second album, and the White Lines confession, the way he asked me to bring those feelings out again, and the impromptu kiss that proceeded.

I remember soaring when he finally asked me on a date, and how he broke me yet again when he left. I relived the feeling of overjoyed happiness when he came home again, the fighting and making up, the humorous jokes we shared, and the constant flirting up until we went out on our first day as co-producers. I relived the entirety of the day, the tender moments, the brief fight, and when he finally gave in to me. I remember the look he gave – my look – when I told him I loved him, the disaster of my eighteenth birthday, the very few moments in between. I recalled the way he held me as if he couldn't live if he lost me after the Hunter mess, the way I forgave him yet again. My heart broke – in a good way – when he said he wanted all of me with him forever, that he'd do anything for me, and that he loved me. After years, I finally heard him say he loved me, and there wasn't a single doubt in my mind that he meant it.

I remember him wrapping me up the many, many times after I picked him. The many, many kisses, my gift to him: losing my virginity. I relived every kiss, every glance, every time we made love, every whisper of 'I love you', and every moment, good and bad with him. New Brunswick, our "friendship", our makeup, and every moment in between, leading up to him asking me to marry him. I said yes, how could I not? I loved him, with everything I had. He had changed so much, come so far from the ever-popular BoyBander. He committed himself to me and only me, he eventually let me in on every secret from his past, not that I cared about that. All I wanted was his love and honesty.

After getting everything I wanted from him and more, his choosing to settle down with me, and me accepting, how could I take it back? After retracing every moment with him, how could I just move on? I couldn't. The tears flowing freely now, and I not caring who saw, finally reached into the envelope, pulling out the hard object. The final barrier that had kept me from breaking down entirely and kept me from running out the airport, back to him, finally broke down as I pulled out his ring. My ring.

I pulled it on, grabbed my things, and bolted up. Lou caught up with me, and steered me in the direction to catch a car. Exiting the airport, the ride home was a blur. Lou tried to comfort me, and I swore the car couldn't go fast enough. As I finally reached home, and was pulled through the people still crowded around my house – honestly, why were they still there? – I ran to my house. Bumping into a shocked Sadie, who realized why I must've come back seeing my tear-stained cheeks, I finally fell apart.

My sister caught me before I hit the ground and held me, comforting me. I sat there for who knows how long trying to compose myself enough to get my message to her. I needed to get to him: my fiancé. He always was and always would be. I pulled back, gasping, before stuttering out my message to her. She nodded knowingly, and went to the living room to grab the phone.

She sent me up to take a bath and relax, while her and Lou sorted out my belongings. I didn't bathe, but I flopped on my bed, curling up into a ball. I was just gonna keep calm until I could go to him.

I woke up to my door opening; I didn't even realize I'd fallen asleep. I didn't move; however, I didn't care to see who it was. I was just angry that they'd awoken me from a peaceful sleep. The atmosphere changed, and I knew I should've known, but I was too groggy to think straight.

I rolled over, and then felt the bed weigh down. I moved over to make room, and felt a warm, supportive arm wrap around me. I melted into him, and smiled. Sighing, I knew everything would be okay. I wasn't going anywhere, not without him. I knew it would've been the better – smarter – option, but I realized I didn't want to fly if he was still on the ground. Falling back to sleep, I snuggled into my man. And I knew, there was nothing that could top this.

**The End**


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